Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Days of our Lives

Well I'm back and haven't got a clue where to start. Should I begin with my partner and I of 9 years breaking up or my new job or my new job that happens to be in Florida or my drive alone across country? Yes, it's all true. It's been a turbulent time in my life (which is why I haven't posted obviously) and although I have no new knitting I can assure you there's plenty to report.

Yes, my partner and I separated after 9 years and it's been an extraordinarily frightening and sad time but one that has been filled with self-healing and discovery. We decided to make our breakup as amicable as possible and respect the years we spent together by not making the end angry and bitter. All this began back in May and to our credit we made it happen. Within ten days of his announcement, he moved out and I came home to our crappy North Hollywood apartment looking even crappier and contemplated my life. I came to the conclusion that the only reason I was in Los Angeles was for him and his career. My career never really flourished there and after 6 years I never really adjusted. What I discovered somewhere across Texas is that there's nothing wrong with L.A. In fact, there are many really nice things about it. Believe it or not, I think L.A. is like NYC in one very important way. I love NYC, it will always be my home but to live there you have to be very young or very rich and I think L.A. has that same quality. I'm going to respect my ex's privacy and my dignity and save whatever else I may say about our relationship/breakup for another day and post.. Until then, I thank my family and friends who have been so supportive during this horrible time. I couldn't have done it without you and thank you all more than you'll ever know.

The journey begins with my new job and it came to me just when I needed it most. It's as far from Los Angeles as you can get in southwest Florida with a former employer and 15 minutes from my parents' winter home in Ft. Myers. It all happened so fast. I sent an on-line application and 5 days later I was negotiating a final deal – all 2 weeks after my breakup! Can you say freaking out? I thought I'd lost my mind! Sane people don't really make change in their lives when everything is turning upside down on it own, do they? But in reality, this job allows for more security, money and a future with a global company that could take me almost anywhere in the world. By accepting the job, I knew I couldn't hold up in my apartment in North Hollywood and hide under the covers eating chocolates expecting things to right themselves with my partner. Instead, I hid under the covers for a few days, ate some chocolates and then made a conscious decision to start the healing process. I questioned my decision ten thousand times, packed half a life into boxes and drove across country in the next 6 weeks.

In the coming days and weeks, I'm going share some highlights of my drive across country by myself -- which is something everyone should do in their lifetime. I'd done it twice before but never alone. It's a contemplative time that helped me find a part of me that had been lost for some time. He's making his way back and this time I get to hold fast to the parts of him who are truly the best facets of Joe. I'm not healed, I don't know if I ever will be but with the help of amazing people and a dramatic turn of events, I've started the process. On my drive across America as I called it, I discovered a couple of things. The first is that being alone and being lonely are very different states of being. One lifts you up and let's you see who you are & how great you can be and the other drives you straight to the donut aisle and/or the cigarette machine! I'm happy to report that somewhere across New Mexico, I decided I wouldn't let that happen. Crazy Aunt Purl got divorced, gained 20 lbs and got a book deal in the end. I'm happy to report I've lost 20 lbs. and for the first time in my life I'm on my way to becoming an athlete -- "Ex fat kid turns Expert Fitness Author", hmmm?! If a book deal comes I won't complain ... are you listening Rand McNally? In the meantime, I'll watch the lightening storms, listen to the rain and bask in the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico! Happy Knitting! Love, Joe


Sandra said...

Hi Joe,
Sorry to hear that your relationship ended but happy to hear that you are moving forward.
Congrats on the new job and all the best in FL.

knitguyla said...

Sandra, thanks for your thoughts. I hope you'll keep reading as knitting will soon be gracing my Knitting Blog pages! Won't that be novel. Knitguyla